After the festival, but before hitting the club, you’ll need...
A half hour shower or five-minute gurney. I usually take the gurney as time is money.

Don’t go too hard too early, otherwise...
You'll miss the afterparty at Electric Playground.

If you intend on not wearing a shirt doing my set, expect...
Security to escort you back to your local gym.

Struggling on the dancefloor from all the festival-related exercise? I recommend...
A power nap during an early set backed up by at least three Jager bombs for my set at the F#%K FLURO stage.

The festival romance should always be consummated once...
Either straight after my set or when you don't know the difference between a shower and a gurney.

It’s my shout at the bar; everyone in the club’s getting a...
Double vodka vodka. See you front row and centre at my set to be gurneyed in vodka.

Want a hand with your festival attire? Then I would suggest...
A singlet from my new label wifebeaterz.com.au featuring Australia's biggest DJs.

You can only bring your friend if...
She hasn't been stroking a furry wall for the last 45 minutes.

The Ultimate Festival Afterparty lands at Electric Playground on Saturday, March 5.